More and more parents contact me because their baby or child, with whom the HNI worked great at the beginning, went through a period without communication. They're getting poor. If this is your case, be reassured, we will discuss different solutions.
Their baby doesn't seem to feel anything anymore, the parents feel that the communication is iodine. This phase does not correspond with the acquisition of motor skills (typical of what is called the "grève of the potty") and there is nothing special in the daily life: mom is not pregnant, no change in custody mode, no illness, no move, etc.
4 main avenues of reflection addressed this summer in the accompaniment of parents in this situation:
1- Rethinking the change, the changing table is sometimes no longer news!
2- Baby's 18 months old, has been in HNI since birth, wouldn't it be an acquisition of autonomy?
3- The type of protections and dressing used may not be adapted.
4- Recreation of the link is essential to anchor communication with baby.
1/ Rethinking the change:
The changing tables may not be more topical at the moment, unless there are stools to be cleaned. Indeed, baby is so focused on his activity that he forgets to tell you what he feels in his body. You note, however, whether it is through connection, timing or body signals, etc., that it is time to change it. And if you try to move it then it's complicated to live for him because he's interrupted in his activity that grabbed all his attention. We cut it off to change it on the changing table. If you can arm the child with his/her activity (book or toy), it will help to keep the changing table used for a while. Or try to verbalize what's going on, and see if your baby is receptive.
Adaptation is necessary as the baby's pace evolves. Otherwise over time, baby, disturbed in his acquisition to change the diaper, will gradually loosen up and eventually no longer communicate. This communication usually comes back from itself later but it can take time.
Think of the idea of changing baby standing or four legs. Certainly it is not at our height of adult, so not very ergonomic for you. However, this discomfort is temporary, and may be worth it.
The urine being sterile when it comes out of the body, you can quite remove the wet HNI system and put a dry one. If you prefer to clean every change, you can plan a wet washable towel. The HNI systems with the suitable dressing remove and recover very easily whatever the baby's position.
2/ Baby is 18 months old, in HNI since birth:
In this case, think that your baby is acquiring continence by increasing autonomy.
Sometimes it's about 18 months that baby starts to refuse it potty and do a few minutes later. You may also be surprised to see him test the capacity of his bladder by filling various containers of different containers. You might notice that baby is training to undress and get dressed. You might also note that it happens too late on the potty, then a little too late, then too early, and so he tests repeatedly the time between what he feels and the miction, his ability to hold, the capacity of his bladder according to his feeling, etc.
It is very frustrating for the parent who might not have become aware of this new phase which is in fact the last major acquisition phase before continence in all autonomy.
3/ The protections when you practice it Elimination Communication ?
This part is dangerous to address... You may have invested in lavables, so remember that my intention is to address solutions for the practice of the NHI within the context of the situation initially mentioned. I also point out that the history of the NHB, the books on the NHB, etc., never mentioned putting H24 diapers to a baby. This new way of getting parents seduced but it turns out that it doesn't work very well with the NHI.
The layers can prove to be an obstacle to the INC. Parents' expectations sometimes do not take into account that the use of layers greatly hinders the communication required for the practice of NHB.
In many cases disposable or washable layers are relevant within the framework of the HNI: on travel, on travel, on outside custody times, etc. Some parents put diapers at night and are at HNI the day. However in these practices, the rest of the time, baby is in HNI, dressed in function and with an HNI system as protection. This balance can restore fluid communication.
If the part-time HNI works very well, it is indicated each time to make sure that baby stays connected to her feelings. When he keeps the link, baby makes the difference between the nanny at whom he is in bed, and the house where the parents meet his needs with the NHNI.
However, it is a pity to advise parents to practice HNI only with disposable or washable without specifying that then they will not have the same communication as with a baby in the HNI system. By opting for continuous layers or the vast majority of the time, baby disconnects much faster from his feelings. It is complicated to change the baby layer as soon as it is wet if the parent cannot feel when it is wet because of the thickness and absorption. It's long to answer baby when you see her signal but we have to undo the clothes, remove the pressures from the body, undo the disposable or washable, find a place where to lay it, catch it potty, and finally propose. With a HNI system the protection is accessible unhindered (adapted dressing), quickly removed, even with the small potty HNI by hand, and she stays most of the time hung to baby size so no need to think about putting it, and hop we propose potty baby. It's faster and easier, much less laborious.
The disposable diapers be avoided.
You can use H24, but wait for a more complicated communication.
Indeed, they are very absorbent and absorb too quickly: baby does not feel what is happening and gradually disconnects. Little by little he won't communicate. And on your side you will therefore receive less and less signals and you will get away from the communication more and more to come only to be proud of the timing.
The concern is then that you finally find yourself drifting towards learning cleanliness, the first step of which is to propose to baby at fixed time. Fortunately, you may not have any expectations, punishments or rewards, etc., but you are away from communication, from the HNI. For this reason I do not recommend using disposables in time. It's very salesman to make you consider the disposable practice of HNI, it seems simpler, but it's really counterproductive. Tsaregradskay's study indicates the impact of disposables on the development of the size of the bladder (see Article Studies on the NHNI).
Washable diapers are not practical either: they hinder motor skills, feelings, and communication.
They are much thicker than necessary for the NHNI, and we move away from the natural development of the baby walk. There are studies on this but I simply prefer to ask you honestly if you think a naked baby and a washable baby have the same way of walking. If the washable can have a benefit on an infant who has a hip concern, it is no longer the case when baby grows if he has no health concern.
Increasingly we put too much time to propose the potty because the opening system is much longer, and it is not counting the accompaniment (body, outfit, etc.). Once the washable layer is removed, we have to put it in a suitable place, and finally we can propose potty. We're ratting several pee, which discourages us.
The other point is that an important time for baby runs between the time it signals and the time you propose. Not to mention that it will also be long to dress baby, and take it to the changing table will often be necessary.
In addition to the fact that we are so full of pee, baby will find it difficult to link the signal, the feeling and the proposal if these moments are too far away. The connection will then be much longer to put in place, and communication is really hampered since baby cannot easily understand that they are being answered.
The HNI system with unhindered dressing is really to prefer: end, adapted to the proposal potty fast, it is an adequate tool to facilitate communication.
It is not a matter of financial limitation, there are systems for all budgets, and some parents who live very close to nature do not put very much layers.
Do not inform the parent about the diapers when he wishes to practice the NHI genes the development of communication with baby. The parent develops expectations that are not compatible with the layers since the communication will be different. This does not prevent you from getting into the NHB with layers, but keep in mind that it will be more laborious, and think about this if you find yourself in the situation mentioned at the beginning of this article.
Thank you for sharing around you to be unlocking families who live in complicated situations by experimenting with HNI with layers, either so that parents who want to continue using layers can be aware of the difficulties that it creates and better understand the situation to better adapt to their child, or so that parents unlock the situation easily and thus avoid depletion or stop because "it doesn't work".
If you want to keep clothes and washable layers that you already have and you don't see how to adapt them, it's the kind of issues addressed at a collective visio or presential workshop, or an individual consultation. So depending on your material I give you the tricks to adapt to the practice of NH.
See the workshops: click here.
3/ Re-create the link:
Spend time with baby, make hugs, laugh, sign, massage, wear, etc All these precious moments reinforce communication, expand the link, and allow you to find a confident and serene relationship. Baby and you are capable, and you can trust what you live. You are logged in and you will find what comes to help your communication.
This situation therefore finds in the vast majority of cases its solution either with a new stage of autonomy crossed, or with a change adjustment, or by adapting its equipment to what you want to live, and in all cases by reinvesting communication, the link that unites you. It's the most important thing in HNI, though you do, to solve everything that prevents you from communicating with baby, to continue to weave these communication links that enrich your relationship.
To see the studies conducted on the NHNI and thus to better understand what I'm advancing here, see the text Study on the NHNI in the list of articles, section Inform yourself.